How long am i gonna be alive ?

Which day would take my breath away..It’s all a mystery.Life and Death are so unpredictable.How would be life after death or should i say ” is there any life after death”.

Before, I see the last day of my life in this wonderful universe.I want to  let out my heart open.

I want to be remembered as a girl who lived like a fairy in her dream world.She should be loved for what she is and not ridiculed for how she lived.I would like to unravel all wonderful things before i say goodbye.I do believe that nothing can be termed as good or bad,it’s all how we look at things.I do not object trying out so called ” bad” things cause life comes just for once.

Playing with my little daughter is one of the things i dream about.I would love to be pampered by my in laws and would be the best daughter in law.I believe when you are in love with someone and you decide to settle down,you have to love every single person of his/her life.There is a kind of attachment you feel with the things and people related to him / her when in love.

I want to live my life as i want.Free like  a bird.I am not one of those who can be happy in cages.I love to fly high in the sky to reach that sun even if it aims to burn my wings.Living alone is one of the things i fear yet one which excites me.Do not know why and how ? I want to be pampered yet i want to be set free.I want to loose myself free from all worldly bondage yet always be trapped in love.

I do not seek for salvation.For me ,salvation is being happy with my loved ones.For me ,heavens are being in his arms forever.The joy of having ice creams in winters,tea by roadside in rains,giggling with my friends looking at  a cute boy out there, sitting on terrace alone and looking up at the sky are heavenly joys for me.I seek for these pleasures till my last breath.

I want to hold  a pen in my hand and a diary on my laps at my last moment.The only passion of my life ,let it be with me always.I want to be remembered as  ” A Simple Soul”.A girl who had simple ,sweet and innocent dreams,who lived in her won world.

All the love in my life,all the hearts who gave me shelter.I had like to be there forever.Its a warm to place to live in when the world outside turns out to be cold,too much cold to bear.Foe all those whom i had hurt at certain point of time.Forgive me .I do not want my soul to be overloaded by grievances or complaints.

I want to die in a sleep.Let no pain surround me in my last few moments.One incident i remember, A grand mom of my college lecturer was on death bed.she was surrounded by all her relatives.All of them were in a hurry to be with her in her last moments.A few said, ” Give her water”.Others said, ” let she speak her last wish “.Some said ,” ssshh…let her speak”.The last words of the old lady were ,” Let me breathe for a moment“.It left me dumbstruck.I seek for peace in my last moment.painless death.

Do not know what made me think of death …why am i sounding low or why am i mentioning all of it.I guess , none of you could be there in those moments of my life.

sigh…

Let me be a free spirit….

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